FEBRUARY 2009

BEST SPEECH EVER

Some brutal jet lag has got me up at 4am watching insipid award ceremonies. Just as I was about to kick myself for watching this nonsense, Mickey Rourke stepped up and delivered perhaps the finest acceptance speech in the history of acceptance speeches. Priceless

Independent Spirit Awards 2009 - Best Male Lead

BLESSED FRUIT

An early arrival into Hong Kong before the day truly begins is the best tonic for 21hrs of flying. No traffic and no queues to speak of and time enough to get back into the swing of things before getting back to work.

First things first, over to the fruit market to stock up on vital supplies. We happened to chance upon the local fruit market street receiving New Year blessings so the luckiest fruit in town is now sitting with us.

THERE'S A BEACH?

The problem with having petrol running through your veins is when you are behind the wheel of something tasty, EVERYTHING takes a back seat. There is a sense of deep resentment when you are forcibly removed from your motor to do mundane things like sleep, eat or take a pee. I am still convinced that with a few twists and shakes, all of these things can be taken care of from the driver's seat!

Strangely enough, 2 weeks getting back to basics in Miami and not a foot was set on the sand. Remarkable! The vast majority of shots this past fortnight have been taken either inside of a car or within shouting distance of it. The closest we came to the ocean was that water ride at Universal and the ferry rides over to Fisher Island. Still, I've been to the beach before many a time so I'll assume there's nothing new to see. South Beach is just trouble begging to happen anyway so it's for the best that I avoided it. Next time perhaps...

FACT: ORANGE IS THE FASTEST COLOUR

Especially if that orange is applied to a Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder (and it's rims). Getting hold of a familiar car is always a pleasure and a bit of open roof motoring to burn my bald head and tan the forearms was more than welcome. This time however we have hopped straight out of the R8. After serious wheel time with such a progressive and responsive car, the controls of the Gallardo felt VERY stiff and racecar-like. It took a few minutes for the right foot to re-calibrate the amount of pressure needed to bring us to smooth stop and the steering inputs needed to be more deliberate. However, with the roof down, the V10 planted firmly behind your head and the valves opening up the noise can only be described as pure violence.

The owner of the local petrol station is now on first name terms with us

G-R8

Due to a few technical difficulties, the Lamborghini Murcielago wasn't ready to roll out for the birthday celebrations. However, we managed to get our hands on something very interesting. Very interesting indeed...

I'll admit I was expecting something along the lines of a souped up TT but once you get behind the wheel of an Audi R8 (manual transmission with a near perfect feel) and start up the engine, it's immediately clear that this car is a very serious, very capable machine. I am even going on record and saying that this is one of the best cars I have ever driven.

Initially there were a few reservations about the styling but the car looks much better in the flesh than on paper. The interior is well executed and, thankfully, doesn't use cheap junk parts like the Ferrari 430. It even comes with a very solid Bang & Olfsen system which makes a HUGE difference. Ferrari take note. Either put in something decent or leave it out completely.

Anyone familiar with the motoring industry will understand why they limited this car. Audi couldn't let their car upstage (in both price and performance) anything from the Lamborghini stable (owned by Audi) for fear of retribution from their Lambo clients. Paying $100,000 more and getting a thorough pummeling isn't anyone's idea of a fun day at the track. Looking through a few sites and magazines it seems fairly easy to get a lot more power out of this thing. That is the ONLY thing this machine lacks and with about 10,000 of your hard earned US dollars this thing would easily embarrass a car from it's Italian sister company.

The restricted power became very obvious when we caught up to a Lamborghini Gallardo and BMW M5 and joined in the fun they were having. Although keeping up in light traffic was straightforward, the R8 was left behind fairly easily on straights. Seeing as this town is 98% straights, a little more power would definitely be the order of the day. With the exception of the mouthwatering Underground Racing Gallardo, we are not really into sticking turbos into engines so the R8 needs to find the extra horses elsewhere. If Audi would be so kind as to throw in 2 more cylinders, that would be perfect.

Petrol cap... that wouldn't open. Deliberate quirk to make this a REAL super car?
Or simply a way to force you to scratch the car with keys everytime you fill up?









Explaining the finer points of keeping out of trouble on the road..

Alternatively, tuck in BEHIND a police car whenever possible

Birthday lunch at the always delicious Rosinella in Brickell


Victoria's Secret is the most intruiging place to be on V-Day!

THE SINGLE WORST CAR OF ALL TIME

That's right, I said it. The Ferrari 430 is perhaps the worst put together (and I use the term extremely loosely) car I have EVER driven. Not only has this thing had brake problems since day one, the rear diffuser decided that somewhere along the Florida Turnpike it felt like taking an impromptu sightseeing tour.. without the rest of the car. I put up with the hideous interior detailing, the unresolved exterior, the worst in-car hi-fi you could possibly imagine, the woeful ergonomics of the controls AND the filthy cheap quality switchgear because a beautiful high revving V8 and phenomenal handling override all of this. Just! However, when a $200,000+ car starts falling apart as you are driving.. that's something completely unforgivable. Disappointment doesn't come close. Not to mention having to get a truck to drive up from Miami with a new car and take this thing back down south.

Before this machine gave up on life, it got us into a spot of bother a few clicks from our destination. Despite some VERY stern looks, we managed to get a cheeky smile, a bit of mercy, some directions to Disney and a snapshot with the State Trooper (known to crush and destroy anyone who steps over the mark on the Florida Highways), we were also sent on our merry way with a $1,200+ fine for allegedly exceeding the speed limit . Bugger!

The purpose of this little trip was to pay Disney, Universal and Cirque Do Soleil a visit. Disney is always very tedious for me, Universal is far, far better. However, Cirque Do Soleil is a completely different kettle of fish. Not even 15 minutes into the show and I had completely run out of superlatives. The slightly eerie atmosphere, the constant gravity defying movement, the comedy relief and the overall ebb and flow of the production left me and everyone else in the theatre astonished.

F430 moments after the rear diffuser... diffused




Pulled over for "a quiet word"..


Our tow truck drove the 4hrs from Miami, delivered a replacement car (the ever faithful 911 Twin Turbo)
and took the sorry looking Ferrari 430 back down to Miami for a few repairs

After all the drama, I'd almost forgotten why we drove up in the first place!

THE PAPPA!

Miami trips are not complete without paying a visit to coach, mentor, voice of reason and the boss of Extreme Tennis Academy, Diego Dominguez. Swinging by the courts to get a little practice in the sun proved to be the best way to start the day.

ENGINE & BODYWORK $249,995 - INTERIOR $5

There is something highly suspicious about a $250,000 super car that makes use of switchgear (buttons/switches/interiors parts) from a car that costs $10,000. In fact, suspicious is a kind word for CHEAPSKATES! This is a disaster! Maserati manage to do it well, Audi are another fine example. You either go stripped out racecar or put the effort in. None of this crappy faux track car looking stuff.

If like me you are not a fan of the exterior of the Ferrari F430, there is little joy to find once you are seated inside. The execution of the interior is terrible. It's better to simply strip the car and leave it raw rather than this. The steering wheel is the ONE redeeming feature. You can be sure I have it clicked over to the RACE setting permanently. Gear shifts speed up dramatically, brutally even, the suspension gets a little firmer and the car becomes urgent, very urgent. There's NO NEED for music whatsoever when you have one of the finest sounding V8s in the world singing just over your shoulder. I could listen to this engine note allllllllllll day long. Also because the system they send the car out with is... rather shit ;)

IMPROBABLE YET..

Somehow one of the iphones slipped under the seat, under the carpet, INTO the smallest imaginable space and into the bodywork of the Porsche Twin Turbo. As it was impossible to get to without taking the seat out and stripping away everything from the passenger side, I was without a phone for weekend. Monday afternoon saw the boys ripping everything out to get the phone back. Oh dear.. the Porker was doing so well until this point. Swallowing my phone just isn't on though!

Pull apart the car and getting the phone out was a 3 man job


Lamborghini Gallardo Spider watching on as the Porsche got butchered

Heavily modified Viper ready to roll

START YOUR ENGINES

There are only a few respectable ways to get around such a big town. Fortunately we always have things taken care of before we touch down at MIA. After Day 1 behind the wheel (driving at the posted speed limit of course), watching Japanese track videos before going for a pre-dawn drive is the only way to go.

Mouth watering line up getting a full workout at the Sugo Sportsland circuit

Big, endless and fairly empty roads require an automotive solution..

..a 480bhp turbo driven solution













The sweetest GT out there, the Ferrari 599, sitting ahead of us at Fisher Island ferry terminal

Delicious Corvette Stingray cruising down US1

Snapping some shots & watching the boys of University of Miami in competition

This pile from American Apparel resulted in a receipt as long as my arm!

RAPID MOVEMENT

After last night's dancehall sound clash, waiting to get down to the planned activities in a few days became unbearable. So a call to long suffering re-scheduler and all around genius Thomas Tavares was the logical step. Within a few minutes I had a confirmed flight but only 45 mins to wash the crust out of my eyes, shower, pack bags, cancel two meetings and a delivery and speed myself to the airport. The beauty of Hong Kong is that even when making a flight seems impossible, if you believe you can make it, are willing to sprint like Usain and get a few fortunate breaks in the traffic and the train leaves immediately, you can beat the extreme odds.

12:45pm

Rushing into check-in, my tried and tested routine of calling a mate and getting into heated discussion to distract the staff from noticing my overweight bags worked a charm :D It's either that or flirt like there's no tomorrow. However, a good fake argument where you are on the receiving of bad news etc garners sympathy and ultimately increases the chances of not getting charged. As Ricky Gervais said, "if there is a fat bloke getting on the plane that weighs 250lbs+, why should he have the same baggage allowance as me?" Seeing as they charge outrageous fees for changing flights, taxes and all the rest of it, it will take something incredible for me to pony up MORE dough for a kilo or two of extra luggage.

1:35pm

Once at the airport, I realized that I'd forgotten to change some notes. I got a rude awakening with the exchange rate. In fact, running, slipping and falling spread cheeked onto a massively uncomfortable object would have been only slightly less painful than the shafting received at the Travelex counter. F**king croooks!

2:15pm

Fairly seamless transition to the plane. I'll admit that my temper gets a little salty once I am seated. I subconsciously look for the slightest thing to make an issue out of. I get annoyed with things that (outside of a plane) wouldn't bother me in the slightest. Take the guy sitting next to me... one sec, let me take a sneaky snapshot.. When they came around with the drinks, I thought I would go with the apple juice. However, they asked the guy before they got to me. I could have sworn he requested apple juice! How dare he!! Now I'm in a foul mood because I was certain that the juice carton only had one glass left inside. In the corner of my beady eye I'd noticed the steward picking the thing up far too quickly for there to be any other outcome. I was right!! With the carton thrown away and the complimentary peanuts handed over I thought I would be forced to take a glass of orange juice because the antique next to me was going to spend the next 30 mins sipping on MY glass of apple juice.

Luckily, and rather embarrassingly for me, in true old man style it turned out to be a glass of tomato juice... Feeling slightly guilty for wishing a mishandling of the cup and drenching of my new friend. However, I got my beloved apple juice without problem. It wasn't all over. Further entertainment was not far away. Clearly very short of hearing, when told it was "fish" or "lamb" on the menu, he somehow heard "biscuit". A hilarious back and forth ensued with the stewardess leaning over me shouting right into his ear hole. Fish, fish sir! Biscuit? I don't want biscuit. Fish, fish! Biscuit? Biscuit? Oh, beef? NO! FISH! Ok, give me the beef. Holy shit.. I have to sit here typing trying not to laugh my tits off!

5:18pm

Here we go, I have a stinky old woman butt perched just in front of me and edging ever closer to my screen as I watch some vintage tennis from 1981! This is why I HATE flying in the shittiest part of the plane. It's bad enough I don't fit into the coffin-like space kindly provided, but people tend to loiter and lean on the damn seat just long enough to annoy but not long enough for you to justifiably explode.

2pm (Pacific Time)

Finally land in San Fransisco and bump into fellow world traveler Herb Moskowitz. It's been a few years but we had met just after a Calvin Klein runway show. I may forget a name every now and then (all the time) but I don't forget a face. A bit of tattoo talk and we were both on our separate ways for a few days of entertainment before flying back across the Pacific.

Stuffing the first bribe of the New Year into the bag kicks off a year of mild social corruption! Rule #1, keep everyone happy!

Ticket in hand, it was time to hot foot it to the airport in record time

Street traffic on the way kind enough to get us to the airport express station in time

Taxi driver putting in a few moves with 1hr 40mins to go before take off

The early stages of the relationship whoever sits next to me are always complicated. Despite this shady side-eye.. he turned out to be a very nice man indeed.. if a little hard of hearing

FOLLOW MI

It's just hit 1am around here, the desks are full (we got another one). Since the countdown to madness is well and truly in underway, I went in search of some Yard sounds to get in the mood to mash things up 36hrs from now. I chanced on the Disturbia Riddim... game over!

Capleton - Follow Mi

Sizzla - Gyal Dem Sittin'

PREPARING FOR INFAMMY

Holy shit! The things we've had to go through just to get through the drama of the 31 days January.. enough to consider a perfect-10 face plant into a pavement from at least 100ft up! However, where there is a will (and a seriously polished set of steel balls swinging freely) there's a way. Just! With another year of wisdom fast approaching, we HAD to do something massive. After the complete f**king disaster of last year, it has to be something very tasty indeed. Plan have been laid so keep your peepers peeping because February is going to relived in photos. I will try to keep the words to a minimum and capture the activities on out of focus snaps, over-exposed shots and grainy video. If you were expecting Testino... prepare to experience an incredible level of disappointment :D

A run over to Macau and some ballsy bets gets the month off to a solid start

Not bad for 45mins

The tradition seat of the Macanese victor

Although we've been putting the squeeze on the tables, minting it just isn't the same without my partner in crime